Happily Married
Monday, July 28, 2003
 
Happy Anniversary, O Love!
Sunday, July 27, 2003
 
Mmm... fresh office space. Was it worth it, Love? It sure is nice and cool over in this corner... too bad it's so hot over there next to the wall. *G*
Sunday, July 20, 2003
 
Yes, honey, you are fummy that way. . . even when you make a mispoof.

No, Dirk Squarejaw has been, I believe, used to death and the other two are just too common.

How about SuperStoney or Stoney of Earth or Red Headed Death Avenging Whirlwind of Terror?

 
Yeeeeeeah.... I can see where that would have an appeal, but I think I need my own Identity. I'm fummy that way.

Bloody Sam Flint?

Blackhearted Bob?

Dirk Squarejaw?
 
Yes, honey, I do think Ford Galaxie is a little too familiar. And the name is too. It reminds folks of the legendary Ford Prefect. You'd be better off going with this:

Stoney, Life Mate of the Great Amazon Vagabond


Yeah. . . I think that'll do.


 
Hah! I crush Xippeddedo and his minions!
Well, maybe not crush, but with a good crew we can take down his shipments until he cries "Uncle!"

I need to think of a better name, huh? Ford Galaxie IS a little "familiar", if you know what I mean.
 
Well, you might want to generalize it a bit. After all, this is SPACE pirating, not Celtic pirating. They won't know who the heck you are.

I, on, the other hand, remember full well how valiantly you defended the Northern Tribes and defeated Rome. . . After all, that's how we met. ("Thank you, Lord Stonewall, for the gift of Rome to my queendom. With what can we reward you to show our true appreciation?")

But. . . well, Xippiededo from Valnet IV will not be impressed.

 
Oh, I'll probably stick with what I am already using, "Lord Stonewall, Scourge of Rome and Defender of the North Tribes", unless you think it localizes me too much.
 
Oh MAN, you are SO right. Just think about it. . .*thinks*

Yup, that's the way to go. Besides, Space Pirates are SO much cooler'n anybody else. Ninjas included.

Okay, I'm in. Now, if we could just get picked up by Zaphod or one of his cronies. . .

We'll need new names, though. I think I want to be The Amazon Vagabond. How about you.

 
Y'know, you're right. Too much bad stuff between episodes of swashbuckling. That's why Space-pirating would be soooo much better!
Unknown plants! An entire universe to hide in! Lucrative shipments of Koshygyan ore to hijack! I'm telling you, Angel, we need to get us an Electronic Thumb!
 
That is the bad thing about the 21st century. No undiscovered lands, no "map ends here", no "darkest Africa" and no chance to find new animals or unknown peoples. Wish we could do that. Or at least that we could go live where no one else does. But not even THAT is possible! Sheesh!

It would've been fun to be a pirate--except the robbing, looting, pillaging and killing part. Oh, and the lack of facilities would be pretty bad too. Oh, and the heat. And the tiresome menu. But, otherwise. . .

 
Yeah, you can't lead a revolution these days in grungy fatigues, the press would eat me alive. If there was just some way to do it as you suggest, as a day job. Hmmm...

It's a shame that the world is so small. Not really enough room anymore for pirates and revolutionaries!
 
Which is why (the comfort enjoyment) that you'll never be leader of the Revolution. You couldn't live like Che. Unless, of course, you could be a guerilla revolutionary as a day job and come home at night. I'd have supper cooked for you and all your fatigues washed and ready for tomorrow. Then you could sleep in your nice comfy waterbed and go back to revoluting the next morning. Heck, if it were that way, I might even join the Revolution.
 
I bet I woulda made a pretty good pirate when I wuz younger. I enjoy my comforts too much now.

Dang it, I don't remember that song. I remember it being ON, but I don't remember what it was. I have sort of a flash - I'll remember it in a minute.
 
*huge grin* Yup it WAS a great weekend. Thanks for taking me to the movies, by the way. What song was it we heard on the way there that I said needed to be added to our list? I can't remember.

I think you'd make a pretty good pirate, Stoney. Even better than Johnny Depp.

 
Well, another weekend is hurtling by at a high rate of speed. It was a GOOD one, a REAL GOOD weekend. In my opinion. And it won't be TOO long til the next one.
Friday, July 11, 2003
 
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I see. If I'm translating this right, you mean I'm fun like being in a forest with a bunch beautiful flowers and birds trees and butterflies and faeries all around me, right? Thanks!
 
Monkys are cool... flying monkeys are even cooler. And what is the ultimate in coolness? Flying monkeys with poisonous fangs! Spreading death and destruction across the countryside with villagers cowering in fear inside their filthy hovels!

That's you, baby, except you are even more fun!
 

Formal Complaint


Funner'n a barrel of poisonous flying monkies, eh? Are you making fun of me again, you Boogerhead?!

Sunday, July 06, 2003
 

For the Benefit of Mr. Kite


Note: This is for Stoney's benefit only.

Here you go honey. . . I've taken heed of your request and made a wish list so you won't feel pressured this year. (And in plenty of time, too, you've got 22 whole days!)Any of these items will do nicely. I've also linked some things to make it easier for you. Check back, cause I'll probably add stuff from time to time. Don't forget to get a card, for both anniversary and birthday, cause you always feel bad when you don't. Oh, and your anniversary gift for me is covered, cause you're going to take me to the new Tomb Raider movie for that.

Birthday wish list:

-The Virgin Blue by Tracy Chevalier
-Pride, Prejudice and Jasmin Field : A Novel by Melissa Nathan
-Vita Brevis : A Letter to St Augustine by Jostein Gaarder
-Upwords
-Withnail and I, DVD or VHS
-Risk
-Lord of the Rings Risk
-Animalia by Graeme Base
-Boggle
-All Passion Spent by Vita Sackville West
-a new reading light--maybe a little bigger than the one I had
-blank books of any kind
-bookmarks--ribbon/cloth kind are my favorites, you know, the ones that have a little thingee hanging at the end, not the plastic printed ones.
-Ivanhoe card game--I think they have it at Gameboard (or any similar type card game)
-that Pirate board game they have at Gameboard
-that Pirate card game they have at Gameboard
-Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister : A Novel by Gregory Maguire
-Oxford Dilemma Trivia Game--they have this at Gameboard, too
-voice activated Shoyru from WalMart
-The da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
-The Official Scrabble Players Dictionary (Third Edition)--this would be the end-all to any "can I use _____" discussions!
-Eunoia by Christian Bok
-Girl in Hyacinth Blue by Susan Vreeland
-any little thing that you pick out on your own would be wonderful too!

Now, that should give you a pretty good idea of what kind of thing to get for my birthday.



Monday, June 30, 2003
 
If I didn't KNOW that for a rock-hard fact, lover, I wouldn't play these games with you. One 'blech' from you is worth a thousand passionate sighs from anyone else in the world...
 
Psssssssst. . . Hey, Stoney. . .I give may ya a hard time, but I still love ya! Don't forget that, 'kay?
 
So we could go to bed on a good note, I just played Kashmir as loud as we can both stand it, and Stoney's following it up with Comfortable Numb. We're all mellow and harmonious again.

Til we start another round of bad songs tomorrow. . .

 
What you folks out there can't see is what is going on in our office right at this moment. We have an mp3 war going on. Blasting songs the other hates as quick as we can. I've got "Double Dutch Bus" so loud it's about to drown out "I Gotta Wear Shades".

This could get ugly.

 
There is NOTHING wrong with Crimson and Clover. It is a GOOD song. But then, you wouldn't know a good song if it sat on you. After all, you like

I Gotta Wear Shades

What a dippy, stupid, teenager-y song. I'm gagging over here. Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech.

 
Pretty much everything

Tommy James and the Shondells

ever did. Especially Crimson and Clover. What's it about? I dunno. Is it a love song? I dunno. A story song? I dunno. Can we understand the words? I dunno. Well, tell us, you freaky-lookin hippie, just what do you know? I can run my voice thru the wa-wa pedal, thus inspiring Peter Frampton.

Oh, man. Don't get me started on Peter Frampton. I can tell by the pitch of the crowd noise when one of his self-love fests is about to take to the airwaves. Frampton almost makes me pine for the craptastic Mony Mony.

 
If I've already hit the Beatles, you know nothing's sacred in this list. Here's a little bit more painful honesty:

Jumpin' Jack Flash

Mick, honey, what were you smokin'? I can tell you what you weren't smokin'--a gift from the lyrical muse!

 
Sugartown

"Nancy, baby... I'm the Chairman of the Board! I have the entire music industry in one pocket, and the Mob in the other. Your entire career is laid out like a gold street into the suset, and what do you bring me? Boots for walkin?? Sugartown?!? That's it, I'm gonna have Sammy killed! I know he was behind this!"

 
I'm not ignoring current music. I just don't have time to list every song, with the exception of mabye 12, that's come out since 1985.
 
(murmurs "chicken. . . . ")

Downtown


Need I say more or does this stupid song speak for itself?

 
Spinning Wheel

Okay, this is just sad. It's not that bad of a song, but here we have another one that tries too hard to be psychodelic and fails. How stoned do you have to be to write a bad song about a merry-go-round? Answer: Not very, apparently.
On the radio, the never play the end part, where the calliope trails off in laughter, and one of the guys says "That's not too good!"

Too true.

(I am pointedly ignoring the post below.)

 
Oh, yes, of course. What WAS I thinking. It certainly is "un-dignified" for a man of your age to go dancing.

Much more dignified if you play in the sandbox with the Butterfly.

Um, Dad, it's MY turn now!

Now, hurry home from working for The Man (and his minion The Prince of Darkness) and tell us the next It-Shoulda-Never-Have-Been-Produced Song. . .

Sunday, June 29, 2003
 
Note that I said YOU can dance to it. Sheesh... dancing is un-dignified for a man of my age.
But I will take your suggestion and peddle off to bed. Five days to the weekend!

 
Hmmmmmmm. . . perhaps this is getting a little heated for this late at night. I don't like to let the sun go down on my anger. . . . Should we pause and pick it up where we left off tomorrow?
 
Oh fine, just fine, dis the Funky Town. How like you to redirect your annoyance that I pointed out the truth about Billy Joel to a perfectly a-okay song like Funky Town. *rolls eyes* And what's that dribble about "and you can dance to it"? You don't dance! But then, what have you ever listened to that was danceable? Certainly not your staple 80's music, like

Walk Like An Egyptian

. another really stupid song that got out on good behavior and decieved those lacking musical insight into thinking it was a good song.

 
Snort. Oh, come, now. Billy Joel is a genius, and that is one of his greatest songs. Yes, it mentions something about Catholic girls, but I don't smell fried chicken whenever I hear it. The greatest music in history was written in the 70s, right alongside crap like

Funky Town

This one is just so bad I don't know where to start. It's got a good beat and you can dance to it, but it's a soul-less corporate conglobulation of crapticism. Yuck.

 
Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute here. I don't know WHAT you're trying to say. That's a fine song. Ain't nothing at all wrong with the "Double Dutch Bus". I LIKE the "Double Dutch Bus" song. It's one of the greatest disco songs ever. Right up there with "Play That Funky Music" and "A Fifth of Beethoven". Sheesh, you don't know what you're talking about, Stoney! But then, you listen to silly late 70's-80's stuff like. . .

Only the Good Die Young


Now there's a stupid and bad song for you. Talk about stereotyping, now there's a stereotyping song if I've ever heard one! It's a parody who doesn't know it's a parody.

 
Double Dutch Bus

This sounds like what would happen if the Aryan Nations decided to parody a black group. It just sounds racist to my ear... maybe it's just so only those who are 'in' will get whatever joke is being told. It's just plain bad, start to finish, no redeeming qualities at all. A poor, over-produced copy of Car Wash.
 

I Think We're Alone Now


My turn again, huh? Well, here's one of the worst ever. And it was bad enough the first time, but, then it was covered by some chick, Debbie Gibson or Tiffany or someone like that. . . BLECH! Shoulda never been recorded once, let alone twice.

 
Good Morning Starshine

A perfectly good reason to hate the name 'Oliver'. This limp member of a song wanted to be psychodelic, but lost it's nerve and just became insipid and lost. If Come Together is steak, this is oatmeal. Cold. Without sugar or butter. This song wasn't released, it escaped!

 

Land of 1000 Dances


Going right along with yours comes this one. Wilson Picket is a great musician, with one exception, and this is it. What a horrid song. And why oh why does it get played so much? Blech!

 
Shout

A great old tune gone horribly wrong thru endless repetition. Somebody must have defined it as an "Ultimate Party Tune" somewhere down the line, because no party scene in any movie is complete without it. Further, most radio stations play it, or a fragment of it, as part of the "Five O'Clock Celebration". (I don't know where they got the idea that the entire world gets off work at five. They somehow also think that everybody works in an office. Just listen to them)
I loved the Isley version of Shout the first 100,873 times I heard it. Since then, it has become worse and worse.

 

Sweet Caroline


I refuse to discuss this one in any detail because it will stick in my head. That's the worst thing about really lousy songs. They're tenacious. Suffice it to say that this one is TERRIBLE and whoever paid to produce it should be locked up.

 
99 Balloons

Nothing good ever happened in a park.

Neun und neunzig Luftballoons. Mash my puke-o-matic button! I lived IN the 80s, but I wasn't OF the 80s.

 

Cherry Hill Park

Speaking of parks. . .
*gags* What a stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid song. It should have never made it past the first reading, let alone have been recorded. Oh how I hate this song. And it'll stick in my head REALLY quickly. I'd better start singing "100 Bottles of Coke on the Wall" right now.

 
MacArthur Park

I can't think of anything that makes me dive for the button quicker than this one. Luckily, our local station doesn't play it, or I would have punched a hole in the dashboard by now.
It's just such an overwrought paen to everything idiotic. It tries too hard. It wallows in idiocy. I have to go vomit now.

 

Ob La Di


I love the Beatles, as anyone who knows me for any amount of time soon learns. I think they are the Best Group EVER. But that doesn't change the fact that they've also recorded one of the stupidest songs EVER.

What is up with this song? I hate it. I run to change it the moment it comes on. I'm going to make my own cut of the White Album and take it OFF!

 
Locomotion!

What a horrid, stupid little song! Gah!
It's no worse, really, than the rest of the songs that came out that year, but the difference is that there are two different versions. (Why Grand Funk felt the need to record it is a matter for their dealer to explain.) Radio stations therefore feel that they have to play BOTH versions, thus doubling the airplay. I don't care if it's Free Bird or Stairway to Heaven, if I hear it too much I hate it.
And I definitely hate Locomotion.

 

Judy in Disguise


We've been meaning to do this for a coon's age, so let's do it today--make our list of songs that should've never been recorded. You feel up to it today or has the Butterfly left you so exhausted that you can't type much less think?

I'm only askin' cause I'm so close to that point myself.

Songs that should never have been recorded.
1-Judy in Disguise
What were they thinking? What producer in his/her right mind would want to record such a banal, idiotic and obviously cheap imitation of Lucy in the Sky? (Which is one of the best ever songs, but that's not this point.) This one is one of my top 5 Most Hated Songs for it's total stupidness and probably Number One for should never have been produced.

Your turn, Stoney.


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